


Gone With The Wind

by byeolbit



Category: VIXX
Genre: Drama, F/M, Gen, Post War Setting, takes place in no set time period, trigger warning for suicidal thoughts and discussions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-24
Updated: 2019-01-24
Packaged: 2019-10-15 10:02:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,166
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17526653
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/byeolbit/pseuds/byeolbit
Summary: Hakyeon returns from war but home isn't the same, the idyllic days gone with the wind of destruction brought by the fighting. The people here are shadows of what they used to be and relations palimpsests.





	Gone With The Wind

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer - Hakyeon's character is physically handicapped in this story. Please avoid reading it if that is a trigger. also please let me know if I have made mistakes or have written something offensive and I will correct it immediately.

Shadows start to shorten as the sun goes over head. It's noon and despite the sweltering heat the markets are busy and filled with the village folk bustling about. Miyoung in particular is engaged in a heated bargain over the price of cabbages. The kimchi won't make itself and she always buys the cabbages she uses from this shop but the owner always tries to pull one over her every time.

“I'm not paying a penny more. In fact I should get a discount for the bulk amount” she argues.

“I'm only quoting the fair price. What will an old man like me do by cheating you out of hard earned money?” the shopkeeper says.

Miyoung makes a face. There really is no argument to that line. She finalizes the cost at what she normally pays. Just one time, it would be good to not haggle at the market.

She's grateful though. Her family is a bit better off thanks to the kimchi business. She mentally calculates the amount of money she will get from the next set of orders. They might be able to make it through the month. But Sanghyuk's school fees have to be paid and she isn't sure if she has enough savings for that.

Jangmi, Sanghyuk’s grandmother has offered to sell the string of pearls she owns to cover the costs. A rush of anger swells up in her. If Sanghyuk’s parents sent any money from the city where they worked, then Sanghyuk’s grandmother wouldn't have to sell the last thing of Sanghyuk’s grandfather's that she has.

Miyoung adds an extra cabbage to her purchase. Maybe a jar of kimchi can persuade the principal of the village’s school to let her pay his fees in installments again like last year. She squares her shoulders up. She will work hard and make sure that Sanghyuk finishes his education. Life has been hard after the war but she knows that an education will help him get a good job in the city.

Sanghyuk won't turn out like his parents. Miyoung won't let him.

“Miyoung noona!” Sanghyuk calls out, running into the shop.

“Weren't you supposed to be at home doing summer homework? Yah! Are you really going to leave it to the last day so that you can play all day with your no good friends again?” Miyoung scolds.

“No! You have to come home. Quickly. It's an emergency!” Sanghyuk yelled.

“Is Grandmother okay??” Miyoung asks worriedly. She hurriedly pays for the order and the shopkeeper agrees to deliver it to her house so that she can leave quickly.

Sanghyuk impatiently tugs on her skirts as they leave the shop and Miyoung holds his shoulders and shakes him to tell her what happened clearly. She can't deal with a crisis that she doesn't understand.

“It's… it's Hakyeon hyung. He's come home. Grandmother is crying and he keeps saying he is my Hakyeon hyung but we can't…” Sanghyuk stumbles through the explanation.

“This is not a funny prank. Your brother died in the war. You can't dishonour the dead like this. I swear I won't stop from hitting you if you joke like this” Miyoung warns him, hand raised threateningly.

“But it is him. I swear it is him. That's why you need to come home. Please I'm not lying” Sanghyuk begs.

“He… he went missing during the war. People who go missing during the war die Sanghyuk. Did you just leave grandmother alone with a random stranger?” Miyoung panics as the two rush home. The road is long and uneven and Miyoung almost stumbles. She thanks the gods that her slippers don't break and then continues running, all while lecturing Sanghyuk on why he should never leave his grandmother alone at her age.

The gate to their house is open and Miyoung goes in, yelling at Sanghyuk to close it behind them. She rushes in through the door to the open verandah where she finds Jangmi crying her eyes out and a crippled man comforting her. His crutches lie to the side and Miyoung notices his amputated left leg before she notices his face.

“Noona…” Sanghyuk says when he enters and that draws the man’s attention to them.

“Miyoungie…” he calls out, surprised to see her here.

Miyoung knows that voice. She would know that voice anywhere. The melodic voice that sang songs while harvesting their small rice field. The proud voice that would proclaim victory when she lost against him in card games. The soft voice that tried not to break while assuring her that he would return alive from the war as he rode away to the enlistment camp.

Cha Hakyeon is home.

“It really is hyung isn't it?” Sanghyuk asks, holding onto her and she nods.

“I'm home Hyogie. Waah you've really grown tall huh? You are Miyoungie’s height now” Hakyeon says when Sanghyuk comes to sit down next to him and the younger boy envelops him in a hug. He will never let him go again.

“You are really mean” Miyoung says as tears begin to fall. She rubs her eyes but her hands are muddy from the work earlier and it just irritates her eyes.

“It was a compliment! The women in the city are much shorter you know! I am glad that Hyogi is growing tall” he says lightly.

“You are very mean Hakyeon. How could you let us think you were dead for so long?” she asks, hitting him on his shoulder and making Sanghyuk move away.

“Miyoung-ah. Don't cry. We should be happy he is back with us” Jangmi says, consoling her by patting her arm. Miyoung cries harder at that statement and bends down, her knees giving out.

“You still cry very ugly” Hakyeon says, leaning forward to hug her.

“I still look prettier than you!” she cries, hugging him back. Maybe things will be a bit better now.

 

-x-

 

That night they have a feast. Or a dinner that's more elaborate since they cannot afford much. Jangmi cooks after a very long time despite her poor health and Miyoung helps her. They invite their neighbour family and close friends to celebrate Hakyeon’s return.

After dinner the boys sit in the backyard and Sanghyuk and Hongbin, their neighbour’s son fill Hakyeon in on stories from the village. It has been six years since he left and two since the war was over. The village was far from the actual battlefields but still affected by the economic crisis that hit the nation. Slowly it has been rebuilding.

“It must feel so unreal” Donghae says, drinking the tea that Miyoung poured. Miyoung nods at Hongbin’s father.

“It's such a tragedy. We've all lost so much in the war” Hwanhee says softly. Hongbin’s mother is kind in her statement. Miyoung closed her eyes and sends a prayer to her own family, killed when her village was ravaged by the enemy soldiers. Her own journey here isn't so pleasant.

“Maybe it is time to put all that behind us. The kids have such a long life ahead of them. Hakyeon is only 25” Jangmi says, taking a second cup of tea from Miyoung.

“Very true. He is a war hero now. I doubt you'll have trouble finding a bride for him. Maybe a family of his own would give him something to do” Hwanhee told her.

“I've been thinking so too” Jangmi agrees.

“He has only returned today. Maybe you should give him some time before you start your evil matchmaking schemes” Donghae chides. “Besides, war changes a man. Give him some time to heal.”

Miyoung doesn't say anything. She knows better than to interrupt the elders when they talk. She watches him smile at the boys and attempt to trap Hongbin in a headlock and wonders how much war has changed him.

 

-x-

 

A loud thud in the bathroom wakes Miyoung up in the middle of the night. She rushes to the bathroom, praying Grandmother hasn't slipped again. The last time, she almost broke her back and Miyoung is reasonably worried as she approaches the open door to the bathroom.

It isn't Jangmi but Hakyeon on the floor, his crutches lying at awkward angles to his body.

“Are you alright?” Miyoung asks him worriedly. She helps him get up and sit on a small stool.

“Are you injured somewhere? Does your back pain?” she asks him and he waves her off.

“My crutches slipped on water” he explains, massaging his hands. His palms took the brunt of the fall and now they have scratches on them.

“Stay here. I'll clean that” she tells him. She walks out and makes a mental note to be more thorough about drying the bathroom floor. She cleaned it just before going to bed and had expected it to dry soon enough. She can't help but feel guilty. She takes cotton cloth and the disinfectant and hurries back.

She catches Hakyeon staring wistfully at his own leg when she returns. She stops silently when a lone tear falls down his face and her heart aches for him.

He wanted to a be a graceful dancer she remembers. She recalls the time he would sneak off to learn from the women who danced at the festivals in the village and be scolded by his mother.

She knocks on the door and he hastily wipes his eyes. Except that makes the scratches on his palms sting more. Miyoung takes them gently and presses the warm soaked cotton onto them. The pain doesn't lessen and the silence weighs heavy on them.

“Thank you” Hakyeon says once his wounds are cleaned.

“You're not hurt elsewhere are you?” she asks in return and he shakes his head.

“I'll help you back to your room” she says when Hakyeon reaches for his crutches.

“I can walk” he insists firmly.

“Your crutches might slip again. The floor isn’t dry yet” Miyoung reasons. Hakyeon wants to argue but she doesn't let him.

She helps him get to his room and retrieves his crutches for him. She makes a mental note to arrange the furniture in his room in such a way that he can move around easily. But later, when it is morning and not the middle of the night. Out of habit from handling Sanghyuk's nightmares, she tucks him in too and Hakyeon lets her.

“Thank you… for everything” he says when she stands at the door, ready to turn the lights off and leave.

“It was nothing really” Miyoung says, refuting it.

“Not for this… for taking care of my family when I couldn't” he tells her.

“Hakyeon…” Miyoung starts. This isn't the time for that conversation.

“I should have been here. My parents should have been here. Grandmother is so old and Sanghyuk was only a child. You didn't have to be here but I am thankful that you were” he explains, folding the edges of the mattress.

“Did… what did Sanghyuk tell you about how I came here?” she asks slowly.

“He only told me that you showed up one day and have been here ever since. He didn't know the particulars and he always said you never talked about it” he recounts the conversation from the earlier evening.

“It's a long story. And not the type to put you to sleep” she offers as an explanation.

“I don't think I will be able to sleep for a while” he says. Miyoung knows it is a lie from the way his shoulders have begun to hunch and his eyelids droop.

“Some other time. It really isn't a long story but a very unpleasant one” she says, turning off the lights and leaving the room.

 

That night she dreams of Jaehwan after four years.

 

-x-

 

“Have you figured out what you want to do now that you are here?” Jangmi asks as she cuts the cabbages that were delivered this morning. The reappearance of her eldest grandson has given her a burst of energy and today she decides to help Miyoung make kimchi. Miyoung is grateful for the help and she pulls Hakyeon in to help as well. It gives her an opportunity to talk to him and she likes it for she has many things to discuss.

“I don't think I can go work in the fields anymore” Hakyeon says wistfully. Any jobs that require hard labour is out of the question for him now and there isn't much else in the simple village.

“I can help with the kimchi business” he says, looking at Miyoung.

“It gets quite boring after a while” she tells him as she mixes the red chilli paste.

“I have had enough excitement for a lifetime” he replies, taking another cabbage to wash and cut.

“I don't think haggling for bargains with old Uncle Kim will quite compare” she replies.

“He still tried to cheat money out of you, doesn't he?” Jangmi asks, brandishing the knife threateningly.

“When does he not?” Miyoung replies with a sigh.

“I've never met a more troublesome man” Jangmi huffs. “If there were better sellers in this village then I would never go to his shop again.”

“Uncle Kwon is looking for someone to help him run his shop. I could talk to him for you” Miyoung tells Hakyeon.

“Wasn't the school also looking for more teachers? I heard Hwanhee talking about it to you a few days ago” Jangmi recalls.

“Right. The pay was good because the village head really wanted to focus on rebuilding the school. I had to turn it down because it would take too much time of the day. But maybe you would like it. You always liked little children” Miyoung agrees.

“Maybe I'll talk to him. Is it still old Uncle Park?” Hakyeon asks.

“It's his son Park Jungsoo. They made him the new village head when he came back from the war. But you might have to talk to Uncle Choi. He runs the school now” Miyoung explains and Hakyeon nods in response.

“Speaking of little children, have you thought about getting married?” Jangmi asks eagerly.

“Grandmother! I've only been back for three days” Hakyeon laughs.

“But you're back for good. And you're twenty five now. Finding a good bride would take time too” she tells him.

“I don't know about that” Hakyeon says, deflecting the topic.

“Aye. Miyoung here was married at eighteen. I married your grandfather at sixteen. It wasn't so bad, was it Miyoung?” Jangmi asks her.

“You were married?” he asks her, surprised by this information. Sanghyuk hasn't told him much when it comes to her.

“It wasn't bad” is all Miyoung says, picking up the cut cabbages. Hakyeon wants to ask but is interrupted by Jangmi talking to him about settling down for good in the village.

The morning goes by quickly. Jangmi decides to take a nap and Sanghyuk gets a warning about skipping his studies to wander around the village with Hongbin before being sent to his room. Sanghyuk calls Miyoung tyrannical in response and huffs when he leaves. Hakyeon laughs fondly, recalling the times he would sneak out of school himself to meet Wonshik and Taekwoon and play all day long.

He will enquire about his childhood friends but he has other questions to ask Miyoung. He finally gets some time as he sits on the verandah and she hangs the laundry on the line that stretches along the edge of the empty space.

“I didn't know you were married” he starts, breaking the conversation in gently.

“I thought Sanghyuk would have told you that” she says, wringing out the towel in her hand.

“He didn't tell me much about you” Hakyeon tells her truthfully.

“I didn't tell him the details. He was too small to understand it back then” she explains as she spreads the sheets.

“What happened to him? Who was your husband?” Hakyeon asks, picking up a cloth and wringing it to get the water out.

“His name was Lee Jaehwan. My aunt had brought the proposal. The family was a friend of her husband’s from his village. I was married within a year of you leaving” she starts.

“You've been married for a while then” he calculates in his head. It feels like a lifetime ago. Probably was, after everything they have been through.

“Only a year. Then the enemy soldiers came to loot the village. Jaehwan got me out but died trying to save his parents” she says quietly.

“I am so sorry” Hakyeon starts. He knows which village Miyoung is talking about. The surprise attack from the West that the military leaders had failed to anticipate. Four villages and three cities destroyed by the time the army came to fight them. He didn't know that Miyoung had been in one of them.

“How do you sleep at night after seeing so much destruction? How did you even escape?” he asks, before he can stop himself. It had been a bloody massacre of innocent lives. Miyoung sits down next to him, silent and picking the right words to say.

“I… I struck a deal with a soldier to help get our group of survivors a safe passage to one of the cities in the mainland” she confesses, sitting down next to Hakyeon.

“Did he hurt you?” Hakyeon asks, gripping the edge of the verandah tightly.

“He wasn't gentle… but at that time I didn't know that I was pregnant with Jaehwan’s child and I miscarried. That was when I ran away and found myself here” she finishes the story.

“Oh Miyoung” he says, pulling her into a tight embrace. He knew the heathens that the soldiers were. He remembers the drunken debauchery from the nights they captured enemy territory and how some would sneak away in the middle of the night to have their way with the girls captured from the village. He doesn't expect the enemy to be any better.

“I'm sure you've seen worse on the front lines” she speaks, voice muffled by his chest. “How did you lose your leg?”

“A landmine. It killed three soldiers and took my leg. We didn't know that the enemies had gotten to the fields before we had” he tells her, his hold tightening.

“It wasn't very long ago, was it?” she says knowingly.

“Must have been a few weeks before the war ended. Of course the skirmishes didn't stop” he replies.

“Why didn't you come home?” she asks.

“I didn’t know what to do with my life. I didn't want to live as an invalid cripple so… so I ran away” he says in a quiet voice.

“Were you planning on killing yourself?” Miyoung asks, pulling away from him.

“I almost did. But someone else saved me and gave me some money saying that a hero from the war deserved better” he says bitterly. “Then I was robbed. Easy money you see? So it took me a while to find a way home.”

Miyoung remains quiet and Hakyeon does too. Ghosts of a past best forgotten should never be raised but it feels better to talk to someone who understands.

“Do you miss him a lot?” Hakyeon asks, knowing the answer to it already.

“I do but it doesn't hurt so much right now” she says, her hand almost raising to her stomach but she pulls it down firmly.

“It gets better with time” he agrees, reaching out to hold her hand. It's more for himself than anything else. Not much is said after that.

 

-x-

 

“Why aren't you asleep yet?” Hakyeon asks as he moves into the corridor the same time that Miyoung steps out of her room.

“I just wanted some water” Miyoung lies. She knows Hakyeon can tell because the kitchen is at the other end of the corridor.

“So you couldn't sleep either?” he asks and she nods giving up the lie that was told in vain.

“Would you like to come in?” he asks, gesturing to his room. Miyoung nods, following him. They end up sitting on his bed, Hakyeon giving away one of the two blankets so that she can cover herself.

“What were you thinking about?” she asks him after a long silence.

“Nothing in particular. What were you thinking about?” Hakyeon asks.

“Jaehwan. I couldn't stop thinking about him after what we talked in the afternoon” she tells him.

“Tell me about him” Hakyeon says, relaxing a little. “What was he like?”

“Terrible. You would have hated him. He was very loud and funny and cute” Miyoung giggles.

“I bet he was a mischief maker” Hakyeon scoffs pretentiously.

“He was! I've been told he became more responsible after marriage but he was an absolute terror when he was a child” Miyoung laughs. “My mother in law would tell me stories about him as a child. I think she hoped it would encourage us to think about children.”

“I am jealous” Hakyeon says with a sigh. “Maybe if I hadn't gone to war, I would have had a life like that.”

“The enlistment was mandatory. You didn't have a choice” she comforts him.

“Why here? Why didn't you go back to your aunt’s village? Why did you come here and not go where your parents had gone?” he asks, moving closer to her.

“They wouldn't understand why I did what I did. They would have turned me out. I never told you this but Grandmother only knows I miscarried my baby in the journey and not how” Miyoung points out. They fall into a silence. It has become characteristic of their conversations

“I'm going to talk to Jungsoo hyung and take up that teaching job” Hakyeon says, interrupting her thoughts. “Or the shop keeping job with Uncle Kwon. You don't have to do it all alone now.”

Miyoung swallows the tears that threaten to form. She doesn't know how to tell him that just the sentiment is enough. She knows that it won't be easy. But she believes in him.

Hakyeon squeezes her hand. And all of a sudden she is the seventeen year old he left in that rice field when he enlisted in the army. She clings on to the warmth of his skin that permeates to her soul.

They awake entangled in each other’s arms when morning comes.

 

-x-

 

“I didn't think I would enjoy it as much as I do” Hakyeon says cheerfully.

“That's good” Jangmi says, scooping out rice for him. It's dinner time and Sanghyuk complains about how Hakyeon gets larger portions because of favouritism.

It's been a month since Hakyeon started working as a teacher and he seems happier now. Miyoung is glad and also grateful that the family income has grown because they have had to struggle for quite a while till he started getting paid. Miyoung knows it is materialistic of her but she would rather not have the bad days where they had to sleep hungry return.

“You should really see him at school. Everyone is in awe and they call him a war hero” Sanghyuk tells Jangmi.

“That's because he is one” she reminds him as she laughs.

“I want to be a war hero too” Sanghyuk says childishly.

“War isn't that glorious. Pray it never returns” Hakyeon says wisely. “The kimchi turned out good this time” he says eating a bite with the rice.

“Of course. Miyoung makes the best kimchi in the village. The orders have been increasing too, haven't they?” Jangmi asks proudly. “Kim Minhee was telling me that they sell all the way till the city.”

“Maybe good times are finally starting for this family” she says, chewing on her rice.

“Do you want more rice Grandmother?” Miyoung asks.

“I'm fine. Feed Sanghyuk more. He is a growing boy” Jangmi says.

“The growing boy is only a growing mischief maker. I heard you and Hongbin skipped school again” Miyoung says, scooping out more rice with a scowl.

“You shouldn't believe the lady at the karaoke shop near school! She always lies!” Sanghyuk protests.

“Auntie Hwanhee saw you both in the market. She says you are the one spoiling her son” Hakyeon tells him.

“We went to buy some school things in the lunch break” Sanghyuk says sheepishly.

“You better not be hanging around those men who gamble away in the afternoon at the market” Miyoung warns.

“Of course not!” Sanghyuk says indignantly.

“Are you gambling? Since when did you pick up such bad habits?” Hakyeon asks, hitting his neck while he pretends to put a hand on his shoulder.

“I don't gamble! I only skipped school to go play in the fields once. Tell them Grandmother!” Sanghyuk pleads.

“No skipping school and no unnecessary spending anymore for a while. We still have to pay the next installment of your fees” Miyoung reminds him.

“Ah. That also reminds me that I have to go to the bank tomorrow. But I need some papers from you Miyoungie” Hakyeon says.

“After dinner. I've been meaning to sort out finances with you for a while” she agrees “Grandmother, why aren't you eating?” she asks looking at the older lady.

“I am I am. Just tired” Jangmi lies.

The dinner passes without much disturbance and Grandmother decides she will watch over Sanghyuk while Miyoung and Hakyeon work. Hakyeon helps with the dishes, having gotten used to moving around in the kitchen easily.

“Do you think Hakyeon likes Miyoung?” Jangmi asks Sanghyuk, keeping an eye on the pair.

“Grandmother, you didn't know? Hakyeon hyung liked noona a lot before he left for the war” Sanghyuk tells her.

“Does he still like her then? Does she like him?” Jangmi asks the younger boy.

“Grandmother… if you are asking because you think they should marry each other then I don't think that will happen. Just yesterday, I heard Miyoung noona tell Auntie Hwanhee that she didn't want to marry again” Sanghyuk confides in her.

“Hwanhee interferes everywhere. She's been trying to make Miyoung agree for marriage for a long time” she huffs.

One of the reasons she hasn't pushed the child for a second wedding herself is because they couldn't afford to let Miyoung leave when she was the sole breadwinner in the family. But all loose ends would be tied up neatly if Hakyeon was to marry her.

It has been hard to find a bride once people come to know that Hakyeon’s disabled and harder for a groom for Miyoung since she is already a widow and her miscarriage not exactly a secret. She cannot believe that she hasn't thought of this before.

She resolves to find a good time soon and talk to the two children about it.

 

-x-

 

“I think that’s all the documents updated then” Hakyeon says. He steadies his crutch and walks ahead slowly. The road is uneven and has pebbles strewn about.

“Yes. It’s a shame we lost the deposits your parents made. We could have easily covered rent and Sanghyuk’s fees for the year” Miyoung says wistfully.

“I still have some money saved up from the allowance we got in the war. Once you get the next installment of payment from the Oh family we should be good to cover Sanghyuk’s fees. Then we can pay rent from my salary” Hakyeon plans.

“Money will be tight again this month. Thankfully we don’t have to spend on Grandmother’s medicines for a few months” Miyoung says with a relieved sigh.

“Things will improve once my job is steady. And Sanghyuk only has one more year of school left after this” Hakyeon laughs.

“Not if he fails a grade. Which I am very worried that he will with how he skips school. He hasn’t touched his textbooks even once this year!” Miyoung complains. She glares at Hakyeon who laughs at her.

“Do you ever remember him regularly attending school?” Hakyeon asks her and she huffs.

“Sanghyuk is a smart boy. If he only put some effort into finishing school or learning, he could do a lot more in life” Miyoung laments.

“He was always more street smart than book smart. And as it stands, I don’t think he wants to study further after he finishes school. He says he would like to work” Hakyeon recounts.

“Even if that is the case, there isn’t much to do in the village. And to get a good job on the city would require studying more” Miyoung tells him. “There’s no point of staying so far away from his family and not earning good money. It is costlier to stay in the city too.”

“Maybe we could contact my parents” Hakyeon says quietly. Miyoung bites her lip.

“It would be easier to contact mine. I don’t even know where to start if we had to find your parents” she says.

“I will write to my aunt. She will know where they are” she tells Hakyeon. She adjusts the files she has been carrying around.

“Let me carry some of those” Hakyeon offers.

“They will interfere with your walking. Maybe when the road is even” Miyoung replies.

Hakyeon’s lip thins and Miyoung realizes that she has said something wrong. Despite the amount of time that has passed Hakyeon is still not used to his situation or people pitying him for it. He continues to walk ahead, determined to pass through this stubborn patch without any help or consideration from her.

“Hakyeon!” Miyoung calls, hurrying to catch up to him.

“Hmm?” he asks.

“Do you want to take a detour by the market? I need to buy some groceries for the house and Uncle Kwon told me last week that his shop will be getting mangoes today” she suggests. It’s a bribe and she knows it but she isn’t above using Hakyeon’s love for the fruit. There has to be some advantage to this accursed season of summer.

“Really?” Hakyeon asks in surprise.

“Yes. Maybe we can get some for Sanghyuk. You can carry them home for me” she says. Hakyeon sighs, her intentions are as plain as day.

“Fine” he agrees.

“Okay” Miyoung says, leading the way. Hakyeon doesn't stop the smile that forms on his face.

 

-x-

 

“These taste really yummy” Sanghyuk praises, eating a piece of the mango. The fruits take three days to ripen and another night as Miyoung insists on storing them in water overnight to remove the excess heat from them. Hakyeon graciously offers to cut some for Sanghyuk and Hongbin, who happens to be visiting that day while his parents are out for some work. Hakyeon is stuck babysitting but he doesn’t particularly mind.

“I can help you cut them hyung” Hongbin offers.

“Your crush on my brother is showing” Sanghyuk says, sticking his tongue out at Hongbin. The older boy responds with a pinch on his elbow and Sanghyuk groans.

“No fighting now. Sanghyuk go see if Grandmotherm would like to eat mangoes and help her here” Hakyeon says, breaking up the fight. Sanghyuk pouts and Hongbin grins victoriously when he gets a piece of the fruit from Hakyeon. Sanghyuk sticks his tongue out at Hongbin again before running away to find his grandmother.

“Is Miyoung noona at home?” Hongbin asks casually.

“Oh no. She went out to the post office in the next town to post some letters. She should be back in a few hours” Hakyeon tells him.

“I wish there was a post office in our town. People hardly send letters because it is so far away” Hongbin comments. “Did you get a lot of letters in the army hyung?”

“Not a lot of times. We moved around a lot so there was always a delay in the letters being forwarded. Even telegrams for emergencies came after a few days” Hakyeon reminisces. He thinks of the letters from his grandmother that have long since been lost years ago and the sad memories of home they brought. He thinks of the time when Miyoung wrote him a letter. His very first after he enlisted and the very last from her.

“Aigoo, why are you cutting the mangoes Hakyeon-ah? Where is Miyoung?” Jangmi asks as she sits down next to him. Hakyeon starts, not having noticed her arrive.

“She went to the post office Grandmother” he tells her.

“Ah yes yes. She asked me if I had anything to post in the morning. But an old lady like me doesn’t have that many friends who write to her anymore” his grandmother laments as she takes the plate and the knife from Hakyeon

“You’re not that old Grandmother!” Hongbin says when she picks up a fruit and starts to cut.

“He’s only sweet talking you for the fruit” Sanghyuk says when his grandmother coos at his friend and hands him more pieces.

“He’s telling the truth. Our grandmother is still younger and prettier than most women we know” Hakyeon says, ruffling Sanghyuk’s hair and stealing his pieces. Sanghyuk protests at the unfair treatment and declares that he is the only unfortunate unloved member of the family.

“It’s alright. There is no harm in admitting that I am old. We all age after all” she says jovially. “My time to go will come soon. Hopefully I will see you three settled well in life before I go.”

“There is a lot of time for that. You will live to a long age Grandmother” Hakyeon protests.

“Hakyeonnie, why don’t you get married? That way I can also have the pleasure of grandkids soon” his grandmother asks him. Sanghyuk whistles only to get hit on the neck by Hakyeon who glares at him.

“I don’t want to get married now” Hakyeon tells her.

“Why not? Do you have someone you like hyung? Are you waiting for them?” Hongbin asks curiously.

“Hyung likes Miyoung noona” Sanghyuk tattle tales.

“I don’t like her that way” Hakyeon protests.

“I like her too. And you both know each other so well also. If you get married she could stay here forever and god knows that the child has done so much for us. The least you could do is marry her and give her a permanent home” Jangmi says. Sanghyuk nods in agreement while Hongbin wisely holds his silence.

“Grandmother I don’t want to get married. To Miyoung or anyone” Hakyeon says firmly. The gate swings and the creaking of metal indicates that Miyoung is home.

“Why not? Sanghyukkie go see who is at the gate and if it is Miyoung then bring her inside. I can ask her now and settle this” Jangmi insists.

“No! Don’t! You can bring your noona here Sanghyuk but no one discusses any of this with her” Hakyeon warns. It’s barely been weeks since the two of them talked of her last marriage and Hakyeon knows that she is still not ready for people to talk about her second marriage if any.

“You are very mean to your old grandmother” Jangmi huffs. Sanghyuk drags Hongbin along and Hakyeon just watches, amused at how similar it is to the way Miyoung huffs. Maybe she learnt it from her or maybe it is a thing all woman do when they are exasperated at men.

“Grandmother, didn’t I also call you the prettiest? How can you say I am mean after that?” Hakyeon asks her, distracting her before Miyoung gets there. He gets a hmpf in response and he laughs even more.

 

-x-

 

“Your hands are shaking” Hakyeon says, watching Miyoung work. He is supposed to be helping her but he can't help notice how distracted she is.

“Do you think my aunt got my letter?” Miyoung asks, as she cleans the rice in the basket on her lap. It's been three weeks and there has been no response.

“I'm not sure” Hakyeon says with uncertainty. It's not an uncommon delay. He pulls out a small black pebble from the rice and throws it into the small bowl she has set aside.

“If you want we can go to the post office tomorrow after school is over” he offers. He looks at Miyoung who is biting her lip.

“I don't know what reply to expect” she confesses. Hakyeon nods in understanding.

“Maybe the delay is a good thing then” he says.

"Maybe” she agrees.

“Miyoung….” Hakyeon calls her gently. She looks at him. He cups her face and smiles. “Stay strong.”

“What if I have to leave?” Miyoung asks, closing her eyes. “What if they want me back home and I have to leave everyone here?”

She looks sad and Hakyeon sighs. “I can't decide that for you. It's your family. If you wanted to leave and go live with them then I can't stop you” he tells her.

“You don't want me to stay here with you?” Miyoung asks.

“Why would you want to stay here? Your parents would keep you like a princess. We have nothing to offer you except an old woman who is dependent on you, a bratty child and an invalid man” he says emotionlessly.

“That's not how I see it” Miyoung replied. “I have a grandmother who supported me in trying times. Sanghyuk is a brat but he never shies away from doing anything we need him to do. And you… you being here is more than what the family needed.”

“There is something else…” she adds hesitantly.  

“What is it?” Hakyeon asks.

“I don't know if you knew this or if she did it without your knowledge. But Grandmother asked me if I wanted to marry you” Miyoung tells him.

“What did you reply?” Hakyeon wants to know. His heart alternates between beating wildly and stopping at random moments and he is sure a heart attack is due from the adrenaline coursing in his veins.

“I didn't… I haven't given her an answer” Miyoung tells him. The rice basket that has long been forgotten is set aside. She recognises that determined look on Hakyeon’s face.

“You should go home. When your parents come for you… go with them. I'll take care of my family” Hakyeon says, standing up.

“Hakyeon…” Miyoung falters when he walks away. She doesn't know what answer she expected but this was definitely not it. Her eyes well up and a deep sadness settles in.

This is what the war has changed, she thinks bitterly. Her Hakyeon would have fought to keep her here but it's clear that he doesn't love her anymore. And maybe if not for the stupid war, she would have been married to him. Maybe she herself would have insisted on it.

She was an idiot for thinking that he did like her back. A part of her feels like she is betraying Jaehwan by harbouring such thoughts and this is karma. This must be it. Stupid stupid stupid woman, she thinks to herself. Why would Hakyeon even love her back? What did she have to offer him? An old widow and nothing more.

Maybe he is right in rejecting her after all. But she can't come to accept the second conclusion of the conversation. She really doesn't know if she can go home.

 

-x-

 

“Are you sure you don't want to go to the doctor Grandmother?” Miyoung asks.

“It's just a minor cough. He will just charge you more to tell you the same” Jangmi waves off. “I'll just brew a tonic and I'll be fine.”

“I'll do it” Miyoung assures her before getting up. She covers up the vegetables and puts a kettle on the heat. Jangmi guides her as she prepares a tea that they remember to be a good home remedy for throat problems.

Miyoung keeps an eye on Jangmi who coughs every now and then but it doesn't escalate to anything serious. Small mercies because any health issue at her age could be dangerous.

There is a sound at the gate and Miyoung goes out to investigate. It's a postman and her heart stops.

“Young miss! I have a letter” the postman calls out.

“Who is it for?” Miyoung asks.

“Cha Jangmi” he says, reading the name.

“That's my grandmother. I'll take it” Miyoung says. Grandmother isn't expecting a letter. This will come as a surprise.

“The stamp seems to be very old. It must be one of those letters they found from the time of the war” the postman speaks to himself. Miyoung looks at the yellow paper of the envelope and the fraying edges. It’s from Hakyeon, dated about a year ago.

A year ago, when everyone assumed he was dead and didn’t know that he had survived the land mine accident. Miyoung stands by the door, hesitant to step inside. She knows Grandmotherm will ask her about the letter the moment she does.

Miyoung makes a split second decision and opens the letter. It is from Hakyeon as the sign at the end says. The date is four months from after the war was closed. Five from Hakyeon's accident. The writing is shaky but gets clearer as the letter concludes.

She scans the letter. Her heart drops with every word she reads. This is his goodbye letter, written presumably during the time he had wanted to take his life. Addressed to his grandmother and his brother.

She stands at the door for what seems like hours. She can't show this letter to Grandmotherm. Or Sanghyuk for that matter. But she needs to talk to Hakyeon about it.

But should she? He must have quickly summarised that his letter never reached home when he had finally come home. He had put his past behind him. He was still struggling with his disability but he was no longer suicidal.

What if talking about this pushed him back to that dark time? She couldn't talk to anyone about this letter. No one. Especially not Hakyeon himself.

“Noona, why are you standing outside?” Sanghyuk asks, breaking her from her chain of thought.

“What are you doing home so early?” Miyoung asks, surprised by him. It was one in the afternoon. School wouldn't be over till four.

“Half day for students. Hakyeon hyung will be home in an hour” he tells her.

“You're not lying to skip school again are you?”  Miyoung asks sternly.

“No! I promise. Ask Hakyeon hyung when he gets here” Sanghyuk says crossly.

“Fine. Go inside and freshen up. I'll make lunch” Miyoung says folding up the pages of the letter.

“Is that… a letter from your parents Noona?” Sanghyuk asks hesitantly.

“How do you know that?” She asks. Only Hakyeon knows of her plan to write to her parents.

“Hakyeon hyung told me. That one day a letter would come from your parents and you would leave us and go back to your home” he explains. His hesitation tells her that Hakyeon assumed this would be strictly between the brothers and that Sanghyuk wasn't meant to tell her.

“This is an old letter” she tells him. It isn't a lie. But it isn't the full truth either. “I found it while cleaning.”

“Okay. Oh, Hakyeon hyung said he would have lunch at home and that if Grandmother didn’t feel well, then we will take her to the doctor” Sanghyuk tells her.

“Lunch is ready. Go wash up and eat something” Miyoung instructs. Sanghyuk looks at her and briefly glances at the letter before going inside.

Lunch is a quiet affair save Jangmi's coughing that grew worse despite the tonics. Hakyeon and Miyoung avoid each other and Sanghyuk keeps his silence. Jangmi doesn't say much, feeling her head ache from the cough and cold. She retires to her room and Sanghyuk excuses himself saying he is going to visit Hongbin, leaving Miyoung and Hakyeon to clean up.

“Sanghyuk told me that you got a letter today” Hakyeon starts.

“It was nothing. He was mistaken. I was reading an old letter” Miyoung tells him.

“You don't have to lie Miyoung” Hakyeon says evenly. His voice betrays no emotions but the lack thereof tells Miyoung everything.

“It was an old letter” she reaffirms. Hakyeon nods and goes back to washing the dishes while she cleans. The silence doesn't last long because they hear a loud sound come from Jangmi's room.

Miyoung rushes ahead of Hakyeon and screams for him when she finds Jangmi collapsed on the floor, wheezing to an inch of her life.

“Grandmother!” Hakyeon yells when he spots her. He helps Miyoung lift her up.

“Call the clinic for an ambulance. Call Sanghyuk too” Hakyeon instructs her and she nods. Hakyeon cradles his grandmother who has trouble breathing. He rubs her back and helplessly waits for the coughing to subside so that the pain eases.

Miyoung runs out to her neighbor instead of the phone. The village clinic ambulance will take forever  to reach them. Hongbin's father has a small car and that will be faster.

“Miyoung what happened?” Hwanhee asks, when she notices the panicked running.

“Grandmother collapsed… hospital…” Miyoung says, catching her breath. It's enough for Hwanhee who calls for Donghae to come quickly and help them.

 

-x-

 

“We still need to run some tests but for now the wheezing has calmed down so Grandma Cha can breathe a little better” Taekwoon tells them.

Hakyeon and Miyoung feel like they can breathe again.

The doctor on duty at the village clinic had instantly recommended the hospital at the nearby town, recognizing the symptoms of possible lung infection. Donghae had driven them to this hospital where Hakyeon had run into Taekwoon, a doctor on duty in the ER and an old friend. While a familiar face was comforting, the time that had been spent in the travelling had made Jangmi's condition worse and both of them had feared for her health.

“She will have to stay at the hospital for a few days while we run tests and monitor her health. We'll need some time to declare her free from danger” Taekwoon concludes.

“Thank you Taekwoon” Hakyeon says gratefully.

“She'll pull through” he assures him with a hand on Hakyeon's shoulder. He nods at Miyoung and Donghae before leaving them.

“I'll stay with Grandmother here” Miyoung volunteers before anyone else.

“I'll help you fill in the forms. Then I can drive you back to the home Miyoung. Eat something and get some clothes for the night and for Grandmother too” Donghae puts in.

“We'll handle the forms. You should wait here, just in case” Hakyeon tells Miyoung. She nods in agreement and sits down on the plastic chairs. Hakyeon follows Donghae to the hospital reception. The receptionist hands them forms to fill out and they take a seat.

“Have you thought about how to pay for the treatment? The doctor might be your friend but treatments in this hospital are very expensive” Donghae whispers to him.

“I don't know honestly” Hakyeon confesses. “We have some money saved. Grandmother said she had some old health insurance when Miyoung tried to convince her to open one.”

“You come to me if you are falling short of money” Donghae replies. “Your grandmother has been like a mother to me. I know both you and Miyoung have a lot of pride and would want to figure it out yourselves but don't hesitate. Think of me as your family too.”

“Thank you” Hakyeon says. His body is shaking with worry and tears threaten to fall when Donghae thumps his back. He says nothing of Hakyeon's tears and patiently waits till Hakyeon finished filling out the forms and they return to Miyoung.

Miyoung remains silent all through the ride home. She has been crying too, Hakyeon can tell. He wants to reach out to her, give comfort and draw solace but the unresolved tension between them persists through the troubles they are facing as well.

Sanghyuk runs to meet them outside before Donghae parks.

“What did the doctor say?” he asks, worried since he is the only one kept out of the loop.

“Ma says to invite everyone inside for dinner first and then to discuss things” Hongbin tells Donghae quietly. His father hushes him, letting the family decide for themselves first.

“She was breathing fine but they need to run more tests and continue treatment for longer” Hakyeon informs him.

“But she will make it?” Sanghyuk asks.

“We're hopeful” Miyoung tells him. Sanghyuk nods and hugs her. Miyoung pats his head and closes her eyes for a moment. Sanghyuk is an inch taller than her now. Hakyeon realizes belatedly that he is growing up quickly too. This is no longer the small boy he can bully to do his bidding.

“You should all eat something before Miyoung goes back to the hospital” Donghae tells them. Hakyeon nods.

“I want to get the house in order first. I will eat later” Miyoung tells him.

“I will need your help to find the insurance papers too” Hakyeon says. She nods in response and Sanghyuk pulls away from them.

“I'll help” he adds solemnly.

“Dinner can wait for a while. You kids can wrap up whatever you want to do first” Donghae agrees. The group split and everyone went to their respective homes, a long night of waiting ahead.

 

-x-

 

The first thing Hakyeon does is look for insurance papers. He has the copy of the updated bank documents but he doesn't remember health insurance papers being in there. A quick search confirms that fact and he looks around for other papers.

“Did we keep the old documents somewhere else?” Hakyeon asks Miyoung, yelling as he goes through his own cupboard in case he has kept them in a separate drawer or shelf.

“Both the new and old documents were in your cupboard” Miyoung answers, entering his room to help him look. Her search yields nothing as well and she racks her brains to remember where other documents might be.

“Maybe they are with the house papers in our cupboard” Miyoung says, hazarding a guess.

“We should take a look. I need those insurance papers for the payment of the treatment by morning” Hakyeon tells her worriedly.

“We'll find them” Miyoung assures him before going to Jangmi's room. The old steel wardrobe stands in a corner and she fishes out the keys to it. The top shelf contains many documents and they sit on the bed to sift through them all. Sanghyuk joins them and tries to help.

“Are we sure she had insurance?” Hakyeon asks finally. Grandmother is old and her memory might fail in these cases.

“I would have seen documents if she did” Miyoung says, looking through the same set of files a third time.

“Think clearly Miyoung. We need that money desperately” Hakyeon says, pinching his nose.

“I can help with the money” Sanghyuk offers.

“What?” Hakyeon asks, confused at the statement. Sanghyuk doesn't get a lot of pocket money and his complaints over the months have made that very clear. How does he plan to help?

“I have some money… saved up” he says carefully.

“From where?” Miyoung asks, her brows furrowing. Hakyeon is glad he isn't the only one confused.

“It doesn't matter” Sanghyuk says, leaving the room. He returns with a small cloth bundle that jingles. Opening the cloth bundle reveals multiple coins and scrappy scrambled notes.

“That should be more than enough for Grandmother's treatment” Sanghyuk tells them.

“Where did you get this money from?” Miyoung demands to know.

“I told you that it doesn't matter” Sanghyuk replies. His lips are sealed on the subject.

“Did you gamble and get this money?” Hakyeon asks quietly. Sanghyuk says nothing but the assumption is enough for Miyoung.

“Cha Sanghyuk, swear on your grandmother in the hospital and tell me that it isn't where you got the money from” Miyoung scolds.

“Why does it matter? I didn't do anything illegal! I won this money fair and square!” Sanghyuk yells back.

“Are you foolish? Don't you know that gambling is bad? Those people are dangerous Sanghyuk!” Miyoung yells, taking his arm to make him listen. “What if they decided to hurt you to take their money back? There is nothing called 'fair’ in this. Have you started drinking too? Is this why you skipped school? Did Hongbin make you do this?”

“Why do you care? You're going to leave us and go home and go far away!”

Sanghyuk's words silence the room. Hakyeon looks to Miyoung who is stunned silent. She drops his arm and Sanghyuk massages it as he glares at her defiantly.

“That’s not the way to talk to your elders Sanghyuk” Hakyeon reminds him.

“I am not going anywhere” Miyoung answers when Sanghyuk doesn’t back down.

“Liar. I saw the letter” Sanghyuk tells her.

“Sanghyuk this isn’t the time-” Hakyeon starts but is cut off by Miyoung speaking over him.

“There is no letter. You are wrong” she interrupts Hakyeon.

“Noona please. I saw the way you looked at the letter. I know you want to leave us so why don’t you just leave already?” he asks her.

“Sanghyuk. That’s enough” Hakyeon says, silencing him with one glare.

“What did the letter say?” Sanghyuk questions.

“Nothing. It was an old letter. It said nothing” Miyoung replies defensively. The tone makes Hakyeon turn to her, questioning what the contents of the letter are to the point that Miyoung is obviously lying.

“Show it to us then” Sanghyuk challenges. He doesn’t wait for Miyoung to respond, before walking up to the pillow on her bed and pulling the letter out. Miyoung starts and reaches for the letter but Sanghyuk holds her at arm’s length before scanning through the words.

“Sanghyuk give that back!” Miyoung protests, trying to snatch the letter away. The last person who should see that letter is Sanghyuk, especially when Hakyeon is right there. Sanghyuk’s hold falters as comprehension dawns on him and his anger is replaced by horror. Hakyeon pulls the letter away before Miyoung can, wanting to read the letter.

“Where did you get this?” Hakyeon asks, recognizing the date of posting on the envelope.

“I can explain” Miyoung starts but Hakyeon silences her with one look.

“Did Grandmother see this?” he asks quietly.

“No. I got it in the mail today but I hid it from her before she could see” Miyoung tells him truthfully.

“Were you really going to kill yourself?” Sanghyuk asks. His voice shakes and he is on the verge of tears. Hakyeon coming back after being presumed dead was a miracle in itself. But to know they had come close to losing him that way is a nightmare.

Hakyeon doesn’t answer his question.

“Do you still think that way?”

There is no answer to this question either. Hakyeon stays silent. The two brothers are poles apart like that. Sanghyuk could never hold a grudge and would rather resolve the misunderstanding by shouting. Hakyeon clams up and refuses to talk when he thinks he has been wronged.

“I was going to tell you. But before we could talk about it, Grandmother collapsed” Miyoung confesses.

“Why?” Sanghyuk asks. He might not get an answer but he can’t not ask.

“Miyoung, you should go. We can’t keep Uncle waiting for too long” he says, opting not to acknowledge the hurt in Sanghyuk’s eyes. They don’t have time for it now and Hakyeon has no way of explaining what he went through to a seventeen year old.

“Count the money you brought. Ill gotten or not, we need it now. I have to make payments for the treatments by tomorrow morning.”

 

-x-

 

“Do you think Grandmother will come home soon?” Sanghyuk asks Hakyeon, as the two of them sit on the porch in the backyard.

“Her health is improving. Miyoung says that they will be home in three to four days” Hakyeon tells him. Sanghyuk nods and they fall into an uncomfortable silence.

“When did you last talk to Miyoung noona?” Sanghyuk dares to ask. It’s a touchy topic. Ever since the letter was discovered, Hakyeon has refused to talk to Miyoung apart from necessary discussions about their grandmother’s health.

“Hyung, why are you avoiding her?”

“Just because that letter was not the letter from home, doesn’t mean she won’t get the letter she is waiting for” Hakyeon says, playing around with the edge of the crutches kept next to him. “And when she does, we can’t hold her back.”

“I don’t want her to go” Sanghyuk confesses. Hakyeon smiles ruefully.

“How long will we depend on her?”

“It’s not that… It’s just. I would miss her. I would miss her nagging me to study or cooking jigae because it’s my favourite even though she doesn’t cook as well as Grandmother does.”

“Then why did you go against her wishes and gamble?”

It’s not a rebuke. Sanghyuk knows that Hakyeon has his best interest at heart. But the answer embarrasses him.

Hakyeon encourages him to go on.

“I wanted to save money to go to the city for a few days. To find Mom and Dad”

“They are not coming back Sanghyuk. They would have by now if they could.”

“But what if?”

“That’s a good question isn’t it? But our responsibilities lie here. As the men of this household, we have to take care of Grandmother and this house. And of Miyoung till she leaves us.”

“Why don’t you want to marry Miyoung noona? I thought you liked her. Still liked her.”

“I have nothing to offer her. You can’t just marry a woman and thrust her into a life of misery. If she stays, Miyoung would have to continue working for her kimchi business and the house. Her parents are well off. If she went back home, she could find a better match and live comfortably.”

“Miyoung noona isn’t that materialistic”

“She might find someone better than a crippled soldier to love and support her.”

“You’re not just a crippled soldier! You are a soldier who fought in a war on the side that won! And do you think we are blind to how much you’ve cared for Noona? I saw all those times you would struggle to help her with the chores or the times she would lay her head down on your shoulders and you would smile. All of us know you love her.”

“But that’s the thing isn’t it? Why would she love me back?”

The doubt that had firmly settled into his mind is now out in the open and Hakyeon thinks he just might really die of the shame. It’s one thing to admit that you are unlovable and weak but another to admit it to someone who needs to see you as strong enough to depend on.

“Why would she love someone who can barely support her physically and who is much weaker than her emotionally? Did Miyoung ever tell you about how she got here  after her town was destroyed? She has been through things too. She lost her husband and a child yet she was much stronger than a fool who tried to kill himself believing he had nothing left to live for.”

“Noona lost a child?”

“She was pregnant and she miscarried. But you can’t tell her you know this now.”

“Maybe that’s why she stays. She understands your suffering because she has been through them too”

“Is that enough for a happy life Sanghyuk? Just understanding one another?”

“Have you asked Miyoung noona this?”

Hakyeon’s silence tells him that he hasn’t. The stubborn clenching of the jaw further adds that he never will, willing to lose his love for the belief that she could do better. When in reality, Sanghyuk might be hard pressed to find a man better than his brother.

“I’m sorry. For gambling away your hard earned money” Sanghyuk apologises. It has been a long time coming but there was never a right moment to do so.

“Don’t do it again. There is no substitute for honesty and hard work. Always remember this” Hakyeon teaches him. His younger brother isn’t a bad man. Just an impressionable adolescent who needs guidance. A child who Hakyeon should be here for. He mentally resolves to do better from now on.

“Do you remember the mangoes noona brought for us from Uncle Choi’s store?” Sanghyuk asks, kicking a pebble near his foot. Everything that has been said and done has left both of them exhausted and with a lot to think about.

“It was from Uncle Kwon’s store” Hakyeon corrects him.

“Right. They were nice. Do you still think they have mangoes left?”

“I doubt it. The season for mangoes is over.”

 

-x-

 

“Grandmother I made some tea for you” Miyoung tells her. Jangmi fusses over why Miyoung shouldn’t be taking the extra trouble. The child is busy as is, making up for lost time and orders from the kimchi business.

“Where is your brother?” Jangmi asks Sanghyuk who is sitting at the table and studying, surprisingly. She doesn’t know what brought this change but his exams are coming up and this change is very welcome. At least now Miyoung doesn’t have to nag him. Her youngest is sensible after all.

“Hyung went to the post office. Headmaster Choi needed help with posting our application forms for the college exams” Sanghyuk tells them.

“College! Have you filled in the form?” Jangmi asks excitedly.

“I did but…” Sanghyuk hesitates.

“Aigoo, are you worried about the money? Don’t you worry about that” Jangmi waves him off.

“Have you talked to Hakyeon about it?” Miyoung asks. Sanghyuk nods in response. “He will figure a way out. You should focus on getting a good score.”

“I will try” Sanghyuk says honestly. Jangmi beams and Miyoung smiles at him too. The three go back to their respective activities. Miyoung returns from the kitchen with a mug full of steaming milk for Sanghyuk.

“Thank you” he says gratefully. It’s been getting cooler in the evening and the warmth helps concentration. Miyoung ruffles his hair and returns to the kitchen.

“I think Hakyeon is home” Jangmi says, hearing ruffling on the front porch. Her eldest grandchild appears just as she is about to get up. She calls for water and Miyoung returns a second time.

She hands over the glass of water to Hakyeon and leaves silently. The two of them haven’t been on speaking terms for days now He watches her go before putting the glass down on the table Sanghyuk has been studying on. He sits down, answering Jangmi’s questions about his day and the visit to the post office with the headmaster.

“There was a letter for Miyoung” he says, once the questions die down. Sanghyuk’s head shoots up from the books and Miyoung appears in the doorway. Hakyeon looks at her, knowing that she was listening in the corridor.He pulls the letter out of his coat pocket and hands it to her. He can feel her hands shaking as she takes the letter, mirroring the slight tremble in his own.

“Is it from your parents?” Sanghyuk asks, looking from Hakyeon to Miyoung. From their silence and determined staring at the letter as if it is a bomb waiting to explode, both Sanghyuk and Jangmi can tell that the assumption is correct.

Miyoung almost breaks into tears before rushing out of the room. Everyone starts at the sudden reaction and Hakyeon follows Miyoung before they can say something. He finds her on her bed, reading through the letter and crying.

“It isn’t a letter from my parents. This is an old letter from Jaehwan” Miyoung tells him when he sits down next to her.

“An old letter?”

“Before we were about to be married, Jaehwan would write to me to get to know me. Sometimes his letters would get lost in the mail and he would laugh about it. I would recognize that handwriting anywhere.”

“But how did they know to forward it here?”

“My parents lived in this town till I was married. It’s why I came here first.”

“I’m sorry. I know you loved him” Hakyeon tells her. He puts an arm around her and she lays her head on his chest and cries.

“I hate it. I hate living like this Hakyeon” she tells him. “I hate missing him and feeling lonely. I am so tired of it now.”

“You’re not alone. You have us. And eventually your parents will come and you will be with your family again.”

“Is that all you have to say? Are you that eager to get rid of me? Should I just leave today?” she yells, pushing him away. “Your parents will come to take you away. You should go live with your parents. That’s all I hear you say!”

“Then what do you want me to say? To tell you that I want you to stay here with me?” he yells back. “What can I give you?”

“Maybe I don’t want anything! Have you considered that for a moment? That maybe I _want_ to stay here with you?!”

“You’ll find much better men than me. Healthier. Stronger” Hakyeon says quietly.

“I don’t want them. I can’t boss them around like I boss you around” she says stubbornly. The brief moment of levity in the serious argument makes Hakyeon laugh.

“Years ago, before I left for the war, I wanted to tell you I loved you. But I couldn’t make you wait because I didn’t know how long the war would last and how long I would be away. Or if I would even return.”

“Did your feelings change?”

“No they didn’t. And I hate myself for it. Imagine my grief over knowing that you had suffered too.”

“And yet you pushed me away. What sort of love was that Hakyeon?”

“The foolish kind. But I still can’t bring myself to ask you to stay”

Miyoung sits down next to him again. There is no answer to that question. “For a moment, I really thought it was the letter from my parents or my aunt. The fact that I had to leave was going to be a reality. Is that what you really want?”

“No. Never. I don’t think my resolve would have stayed firm if you really had to go” Hakyeon admits finally. “I can’t replace Jaehwan in your heart, Miyoung.”

“You don’t have to. You really don’t have to.”

Miyoung thinks she could really cry again at those words. So she hugs him, with more force than necessary. In return, he cups her cheek and kisses till both of them are grasping for breath. Slow, deep, long drawn and long awaited.

“Don’t go” Hakyeon begs, resting his forehead on hers. He wipes the tears away and she smiles ruefully.

“I won’t” Miyoung replies, clutching the letter to her chest.

At sixteen, Miyoung didn’t imagine that this is the way she would finally confess to Hakyeon. The road to today is long winding and difficult, full of suffering. They are ghosts of the people they used to be and even that visage is gone with the winds of time that have swept over the household.

But they are together now. Older than the children who parted on that fateful day of enlistment, wiser after everything they have been through and perhaps better off for it.

 

-Fin-

**Author's Note:**

> This story is my baby that I wrote over 486 days. Rules of writing disregarded, I wrote this just for the sake of writing. I still can't believe it is done.
> 
> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/poojamk15?s=09) | [Tumblr](https://vixxscifiwritings.tumblr.com) | [CuriousCat](https://curiouscat.me/poojamk15)


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